I am finding lessons from my trials. By looking at the benefits and drawbacks of the behavior, I felt was selfish and inconsiderate. Â
Situations:
After our first son was born and I was trying to breastfeed him, I found it challenging. I wanted to stop and either pump or not do it. My ex’s response was, you aren’t going to stop. That, for me, was a breaking point. I needed his empathy and to allow me to make my own decision.
His response led to resentment. I pulled away and became distant. He also became distant, always equating my time spend with our son a choice that I should make between him and his son. In reflecting on this situation, I can see that his reaction gave him more time to work on his business, knowing I would do what was needed to be done on my own.
Once I identified the benefits and drawbacks of my ex’s behavior, I then flipped the script and examined a situation in which I was selfish and inconsiderate. Reflecting on my own actions and how I exhibited the same charging behavior makes me see how there are direct benefits and drawbacks to being selfish and inconsiderate.
Situations:
At the beginning of our marriage, I met someone I talked to and held a conversation with them while my husband went and got what he needed in the store. When he came back to the front of the store, my conversation was wrapping up. He came to me and stood next to me, and I didn’t introduce him.
What are the benefits of me not introducing him?
- I wouldn’t have to explain what happened with this person.
What are the drawbacks to me not introducing him?
- Almost ended our marriage just a few months in.
- I appeared as if I was hiding something.
- I had to explain where, when I met the person.
What are the benefits to my ex for me not introducing him?
- Did not have to process whatever the other individual might have said.
- He was able to express his feelings.
What are the drawbacks to my ex for me not introducing him to this person?
- He couldn’t express his feelings and get things off of his chest.
- Established his place in my life.
To my point, growth takes self-reflection and owning your actions in a situation.