Reflections – Beyond the Abuse
A blog about reflecting and moving past decisions and abuse.
I’ve started my journey to self-healing. For the past two weeks, I’ve been working with my coach on inner child work, confronting feelings of not feeling good enough, guilt, laughing in uncomfortable situations. For seven days I’m going to write three things that I’m grateful for.
What is a trauma bond?
A trauma bond is where the abused stays with the abuser in an unhealthy relationship. It occurs when the abuser has feelings of affection towards the abuser.
The bond can take weeks, months, or even years to develop. The abused feels dependent on the abuser and can not find a way to get out of the relationship.
Someone’s primary means of support could be the abuser. A trauma bond develops.
A person can develop a trauma bond because they rely on the abuser for emotional support.
How to overcome a trauma bond?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline suggests that people:
The truth, not the promise: Hoping that the abuser might change someday.
Evidence: remind yourself of the patterns of abuse
Positive self-talk: Abuse can lower a person’s self-esteem and make them feel that they cannot be without the abusive person. Change the negative self-talk to positive. Reflect on the benefits you got from the relationship, what makes you unique and valuable in this world.
Practice self-care: reduce the desire to turn to an abusive person for comfort. Prayer, journaling, meditation, exercise, hobbies.
Your emotions will cause your physical body to behave in specific ways that you are not aware of at the time.
In the beginning, I slept in the middle of the bed and turning in the middle of the night. I would say this is relatively normal. As I reflect, I would get into the bed and automatically go to the edge unless asked to come closer. Why?
What I wasn’t saying in words was being manifested in my sleeping patterns. I would even make a moaning noise when my body finally rested. Later I was accused of this noise was the result of something I was dreaming. It was not the case. When my body relaxes, I make that noise.
I was tired of walking on eggshells. It is funny how from the outside, he seemed like the picture perfect man. Someone that cared about the less fortunate helped out family and friends selfishly—at the same time, being a completely different person at home. I would hear statements like “there is only one way to think,” ‘if you leave, I will take the children from you,” “I could have married XYZ; they would have been better at XYZ.”
How do you sleep? Listen and watch your non-verbal behavior.
